The absolute saddest thing
The one common denominator of horrible, lifechanging events is that you never wake up knowing how bad it's going to get.
It started out as a fairly good day. I had spent the previous few days deep cleaning the house, and baking, because R's niece was coming to stay with us for a week. She was 12, the same age as my little sister, and we were looking forward to going to pick her up. I had borrowed a quilt from my grandma to use as a spread on the niece's bed. It was a beautiful mint green based quilt she had made in 1927 at the age of 17 . I called Grandma that morning to ask how to clean it, and we chatted like normal. She told me to drape the quilt over the baby's playpen to dry, instead of putting it on the line, so that it wouldn't fade.
After I got off the phone, we went out and got in the vehicles. We had borrowed Grandpa's truck to haul some stuff back from R's parents house. Grandpa's Chevy always did work better than R's Ford. My little sister and I were going in my car. At the time I was driving a 1979 Mercury cougar... Looked like crap, but it was one of the best cars I ever had.
We got to where they lived, had as good a visit as possible with R's family, (I won't even go there) and headed home. We got 5 miles out from home and noticed there had been an accident, but didn't think anything about it. Accidents happen pretty regularly around here. We went on to our house, and I went into the house with our 6 month old daughter while R and the girls were unloading the vehicles. When the phone rang, I figured it was mom calling to see if we made it home yet. It was her, but that wasn't her reason for calling. Her first words were "Grandma and Grandpa were in a wreck and Grandma didn't make it." It was like someone hit the pause button. I couldn't quite get my mind around what she had just said. My entire life just crumbled, with one phone call.
Let me clue you in on how important these people were to me. My grandparents practically raised me. Their house was the only place I could get unconditional love, where I knew I would never be cut down or criticized, the two things my mother loved doing to me. I loved them more than most of my friends loved their parents.
The wreck happened on Aug 2, 1986. Some Missouri asshole going 80 plowed into the side of them as they were crossing the highway east of town, they had been out to check on the wheat. My grandma was killed instantly, and my grandpa died 3 days later.
Those funerals were horrible for me. I was the only one crying, which made it worse. My mother's family is one of those staunch families where no one shows emotion. My mother told me I embarrassed her at the funerals. I didn't care. The only safe place on earth was gone, and no one could understand that. I was 19 years old. I cried for weeks, I didn't think I would ever get over it.
To this day, there isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about them. Things my Grandma taught me come in handy every day. From cooking, to cleaning, to crafts... Almost everything I know I owe to her. Little jokes and funny thing that my grandpa used to do... He had such a great sense of humor. I still miss them so much.
In their house was a small bedroom that was dubbed the "playroom", where all the toys were kept. Back in the late 50's they had taken a trip to the Grand Canyon, and had a picture of it hanging on the wall in the playroom. It had polished rocks from the canyon in the frame, and as I loved rocks, I was always begging my grandma to give me the picture, or at least one rock out of the frame. When my mom and her brother were cleaning out the house, they took that picture off the wall, and on the back of it, my grandmother had written "Please give to A****, Love, Grandma." I treasure that picture more than anything I will ever own.
It was better for them, in the long run, I know. They were so in love that neither of them could have lived well without the other. They were both still in good health, they didn't end up in a rest home... For them, this was a good way. For me, with no warning, it just left a huge hole in my heart. I will never find another "safe place"...
Maybe that's what I have been looking for all these years....
It started out as a fairly good day. I had spent the previous few days deep cleaning the house, and baking, because R's niece was coming to stay with us for a week. She was 12, the same age as my little sister, and we were looking forward to going to pick her up. I had borrowed a quilt from my grandma to use as a spread on the niece's bed. It was a beautiful mint green based quilt she had made in 1927 at the age of 17 . I called Grandma that morning to ask how to clean it, and we chatted like normal. She told me to drape the quilt over the baby's playpen to dry, instead of putting it on the line, so that it wouldn't fade.
After I got off the phone, we went out and got in the vehicles. We had borrowed Grandpa's truck to haul some stuff back from R's parents house. Grandpa's Chevy always did work better than R's Ford. My little sister and I were going in my car. At the time I was driving a 1979 Mercury cougar... Looked like crap, but it was one of the best cars I ever had.
We got to where they lived, had as good a visit as possible with R's family, (I won't even go there) and headed home. We got 5 miles out from home and noticed there had been an accident, but didn't think anything about it. Accidents happen pretty regularly around here. We went on to our house, and I went into the house with our 6 month old daughter while R and the girls were unloading the vehicles. When the phone rang, I figured it was mom calling to see if we made it home yet. It was her, but that wasn't her reason for calling. Her first words were "Grandma and Grandpa were in a wreck and Grandma didn't make it." It was like someone hit the pause button. I couldn't quite get my mind around what she had just said. My entire life just crumbled, with one phone call.
Let me clue you in on how important these people were to me. My grandparents practically raised me. Their house was the only place I could get unconditional love, where I knew I would never be cut down or criticized, the two things my mother loved doing to me. I loved them more than most of my friends loved their parents.
The wreck happened on Aug 2, 1986. Some Missouri asshole going 80 plowed into the side of them as they were crossing the highway east of town, they had been out to check on the wheat. My grandma was killed instantly, and my grandpa died 3 days later.
Those funerals were horrible for me. I was the only one crying, which made it worse. My mother's family is one of those staunch families where no one shows emotion. My mother told me I embarrassed her at the funerals. I didn't care. The only safe place on earth was gone, and no one could understand that. I was 19 years old. I cried for weeks, I didn't think I would ever get over it.
To this day, there isn't a single day that goes by that I don't think about them. Things my Grandma taught me come in handy every day. From cooking, to cleaning, to crafts... Almost everything I know I owe to her. Little jokes and funny thing that my grandpa used to do... He had such a great sense of humor. I still miss them so much.
In their house was a small bedroom that was dubbed the "playroom", where all the toys were kept. Back in the late 50's they had taken a trip to the Grand Canyon, and had a picture of it hanging on the wall in the playroom. It had polished rocks from the canyon in the frame, and as I loved rocks, I was always begging my grandma to give me the picture, or at least one rock out of the frame. When my mom and her brother were cleaning out the house, they took that picture off the wall, and on the back of it, my grandmother had written "Please give to A****, Love, Grandma." I treasure that picture more than anything I will ever own.
It was better for them, in the long run, I know. They were so in love that neither of them could have lived well without the other. They were both still in good health, they didn't end up in a rest home... For them, this was a good way. For me, with no warning, it just left a huge hole in my heart. I will never find another "safe place"...
Maybe that's what I have been looking for all these years....
3 Comments:
There is no good way to lose a loved one. I've lost most of my older family and each one hurt wether it was of old age, heart attack or a traffic crash. Its hard to have to suck-it-up and move on without the support and advice of the loved ones. We just need to be thankful for the time we did have with them. But its so hard as I set here with tears in my eye remembering.
What a marvelous, loving tribute to your grandparents. Well done.
It is hard, Susnset man. Even though we always know it will happen, I don't think we are ever really ready for it.
Thank you, Buffalo.
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